I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
