it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
