Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
