his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
