My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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