talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
