your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
