DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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