You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He passed out mid-signature
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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