i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
