Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
