I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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