haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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