dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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