Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize