But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
