I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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