Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The air was thick with penises
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
