I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
