Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
