why didn't you poke me back
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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