Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Randomize
