I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will pee on everything he values.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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