I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
