She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
