I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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