I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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