I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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