i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
