why didn't you poke me back
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she woke up with a sticky ear
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
