I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
