we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
