like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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