Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
