Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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