I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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