It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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