i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
