WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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