I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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