Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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