wat bout pragnant strippers??
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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