I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
