Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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