I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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