OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
