She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My bed smells like the plague
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
