he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
