Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
