just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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