There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
