Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
