Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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