Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I want her autograph on my taint
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
