we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
