all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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